I've Been Sick

Over the past 6 months I have what seems like one ailment after another.
First back in November of '08 I started with stomach pains and headaches. Oh yeah, there was another symptom. Hallucinations. At first they were just weird, often comical events. Let me relate the first and funniest to you.

I woke up one night at about 2 A.M. I realized the cat was still out and I wanted to call him due to the coyotes that prowl West Island. As I walked by the kitchen window I noticed something amiss in the back yard.

I saw 4 midget fireman running through the yard by the fish pond. They all wore size appropriate black fireman coats with yellow accents on the sleeve cuffs and bottom of their garments. Their boots seemed a bit large though and they ran in funny way. With all due respect to little people, if you can visualize the oversize boots flopping around, it was bizarre.

On one fireman's shoulder was a coil of fire hose, another had a full size ax and the third carried their ladder. The fourth must have been th e Chief because he was empty handed. Mind you I didn't see a fire.
Remember, I observed this all of from the kitchen window. Of course I hurried outside into the back yard only to discover everything quiet and realized it was a hallucination. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shadow run past the driveway. At about that point I realized I was in my boxers and actually said out loud, “I...don't....wanna'...know.”

I think I found the cat and just went back in and to bed. The next day I remembered the event and laughed to myself. Later in the day I related the sighting to my sister who laughed out loud and wanted to know the exact location. While showing her the spot I noticed that there was a yellow cat litter bucket on the patio table and a yellow coiled air hose hanging along the fence. I realized that these two items contributed to the scene as the reflective yellow on the firemen coats.

So that was just a hysterical minor occurrence. The next event, however, was not funny. I was sound asleep when it seemed someone was using a defibrillator on me. A massive shock struck my chest and everything went bright white.

I woke up with perfectly normal heart rate and breathing. It was, quite literally and pardon the pun, shocking.
The next event was again, while sound asleep when I visualized a face plant on asphalt. I was wearing a full face motorcycle helmet and the impact was frightening. I saw the grain of the asphalt come into contact with the chin guard of my helmet. Again I woke up physically normal but frightened.

To be honest, I believe both of those events were flashbacks. Twenty-two years ago I had a motorcycle accident in which I suffered massive trauma. My helmet bore the marks of several impacts on asphalt. I was also defibbed 3 times. Due to a head injury I couldn't recall the last minute or so before the accident. Probably a blessing, the doctors once told me. One doctor seemed to shiver at the thought.

I decided to research the side effects of my newest medication, tizanidine and found, no surprise, that hallucinations were one possibility. After hearing the fireman story people have asked if they could try some tizanidine. I declined their requests.
The final incident again happened during a sound sleep. I saw a ghost like woman's head emerge from the wall. What made me look up was that I felt something warm touch my hand. She was pretty, young and blond. As she emerged she put her fingers to lips as if to say, “Shhhh. Not to worry,” and then receded back into the wall.
While all of this may sound harmless I was frightened more than I can ever remember. I jumped out of bed, paced back and forth in the living room, hoping that Lianne was awake. I called to her upstairs and got no response. She was sound asleep. I was shaking. I couldn't go back into my bedroom for over an hour. I stopped the tizanadine the next day.
After a few days I realized my headaches and stomach aches stopped. So did the hallucinations. Success.

January 2nd of '09 I fell in my shed, also known as the Man Cave. I landed on my shoulder and it was excruciatingly painful. I immediately went to lie down and stayed there for 2 hours. When I tried to get out of bed my shoulder popped and felt much better. It may have been dislocated. Later tests revealed three tears in and around the rotator cuff. Xrays and MRI's also revealed arthritis and a previously broken neck that I wasn't aware of and advanced arthritis in my shoulder.

Around March a bad cold developed into pneumonia. Throughout all this time I went out to my shed and worked a little out there, made a fire in the wood burner (the smoke a probable contribution to the pneumonia), worked on the Jeep and other chores.

May and it's flowers brought me a toe infection, not due to May flowers, I must point out. A very attractive R.N. proclaimed the infection brought on gout. I am adamant that is not gout! I defend this diagnosis as strongly as Arnold Schwartzenegger, in 'Twins', proclaimed “It's not a toomuh!” (tumor). I guess because it means no beer, shellfish or red meats. I spent up to 2 days at a time in bed, except to go to the bathroom and to eat an apple or a banana. Over one 3 day period I ate only 3 apples. Crutches were mandatory.
Today, I walked for the first time in over a week without crutches or a cane. Hopefully a sign of recuperation and better days to come. What I have learned is watch out for midget firemen, don't fall in your shed, don't breath smoke and use an anti fungal spray in your sneakers. So, in closing I wish you all happy days and good health!

By the way, yes those are my x-rays and those are 3 inch screws in my femur!