The Mayan Calandar

I have made a discovery regarding the Mayan Calendar. I know why the Mayan (c. 2000 BC to 250 AD), chose December 21, 2012 as the last day of their calendar.

They were sick and tired of the Christmas Holiday shopping season.

It's true. You see Christ's true birthday is rumored to be in August or earlier, depending on what source you use.

So theoretically, just as today, Mayan Christmas items were on sale in August. I say theoretically because that is only true for the Christian Mayans who were few and far between.

I also believe I have answered another riddle regarding the Mayans. Their great stone temples were not temples at all. They were ancient Walmarts. After careful study of pictures of Mayan temples I see that they were made in a stepped wall fashion. Obviously these were display shelves. Much like modern up scale department stores the more expensive items were kept on the upper tiers. This made it harder for shoplifters to get away quickly with expensive goods. And so this proves another point. Shoplifters became human sacrifices.

Another clue to the Temple/Walmart discovery is in the stone carvings. If you look very closely and squint real hard you can see smiley faces. Rollbacks!

Proof positive of my hypothesis.

The grand stairways on which the Mayan calendars were carved must have actually been the Walmart checkout line. Having a calendar in the checkout line was useful with such a long line. Walmart has since realized that having time telling devices in view of the checkout lines are a bad idea.

In the time of the Mayas writing and math skills were for only the royals and clerics. This made it easy to rip off the average Mayan. Merchandise returns were handled in the human sacrifice department. There were few returns.

Mayans who had been given items as gifts that they had no use for found a way to exchange them for cash. It was just a quick trip to the Great Plains of America. Once there a certain Indian tribe was happy to exchange the items or offer a loan on the item. These Indians were known as the Pawnees.

I feel there is a little more work to do in proving my theory. So I shall continue to provide updates on this discovery.

(This Blog is intended to offend no one. It is purely satire.)