Quest For Fire:Update

Except for the awesome pallets the 'Snap On Guy' throws out I have stopped scrounging for wood. I had a relapse yesterday though. I found a 12 foot piece of beautiful driftwood, nicely twisted and gnarled. It looks great in the driveway as a curb stop.

I'm Just Orginizationally Challenged!

I'm not really a slob. Well, my beard does seem to occasionally catch a crumb or two, and it seems as though my moustache likes to wick up coffee now and then. My vehicles do tend to be filled to gills with objects that usable at a later date and some that might be better off in the trash can. But all that clutter can have a purpose. Like the time I got stopped on route 18 North near Coggeshall street.



My car wouldn't pass for it's inspection sticker. I got the car for free from the previous owner due to that fact. There was rot right through the rocker panels. A no-no that I hadn't gotten to fix. The inspection guy, who will remain nameless, told me I was better off to just scrape the old sticker off and take my chances. So I did.



Then I got to meet the aforementioned trooper. As I pulled onto Coggeshall street in front of Antonio's restaurant my mind raced for a valid excuse. As my eyes scanned the pile on the front floor I spied a hospital wrist band I had just barely been able to squeeze off the week before. I grabbed it and squeezed it back on. The trooper approached my car and stated that he had stopped me for not having an inspection sticker. I replied, "I know it's not a valid excuse, but I had to use the car to go to the hospital," and held up my wrist so he had a good view of my hospital band. In a few minutes he returned and gave me back my license and registration and muttered something about me having a lucky day.



Two weeks later on the same highway in nearly the same spot but headed south this time I was again stopped for the same reason. I didn't know if was the same trooper so I grabbed a form from Social Security Disability which showed I had an appointment for a an exam. This time I got a written warning. It wasn't the same cop but I'm sure my previous stop showed up on his cruiser's mobile computer.



Once, several years ago I got stopped by a notorious Fairhaven cop. He's been known to pull people out thought the car window, really. My car had trash up to the window of the back seat. Amazingly, this stop involved and invalid sticker, but my insurance had also been canceled. An arrestable offense. During my conversation with officer Lavallee, he stated he liked to see cars like mine, full of trash, that is. When I asked why he said, "Because I like to know that there's some one's car that is worse than mine." He ended up giving me a big break and I was allowed to go to work instead of the police station.



Now my room has gotten full, so to speak. I use the three pile system for laundry. One pile is clean, one is dirty and one 'not really sure'. While I was recently unable to walk due to an infection I asked my sister and her boyfriend to get my crutches so I could get off the couch and go to bed. She asked obviously overwhelmed, "Where are they?"



"Under the pile," I stated as though it was obvious. They saw a crutch bottom sticking out from under one of the piles and gave it a yank. The whole pile began and move as the pulled a little harder. With a sudden surge out came the crutch. Twisted up together came the crutch, a two piece fishing pole and a golf club. I saw them emerge from my room laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. With the crutch standing straight up and the fishing pole and the golf club making a perfect X, the tangled look for all the world like the doctors symbol.

So see, there actually may be a use for all those seemingly useless items. Whether it be a money saving excuse or just to make somebody smile, just get yourself organized. I'm working on it!

I've Been Sick

Over the past 6 months I have what seems like one ailment after another.
First back in November of '08 I started with stomach pains and headaches. Oh yeah, there was another symptom. Hallucinations. At first they were just weird, often comical events. Let me relate the first and funniest to you.

I woke up one night at about 2 A.M. I realized the cat was still out and I wanted to call him due to the coyotes that prowl West Island. As I walked by the kitchen window I noticed something amiss in the back yard.

I saw 4 midget fireman running through the yard by the fish pond. They all wore size appropriate black fireman coats with yellow accents on the sleeve cuffs and bottom of their garments. Their boots seemed a bit large though and they ran in funny way. With all due respect to little people, if you can visualize the oversize boots flopping around, it was bizarre.

On one fireman's shoulder was a coil of fire hose, another had a full size ax and the third carried their ladder. The fourth must have been th e Chief because he was empty handed. Mind you I didn't see a fire.
Remember, I observed this all of from the kitchen window. Of course I hurried outside into the back yard only to discover everything quiet and realized it was a hallucination. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shadow run past the driveway. At about that point I realized I was in my boxers and actually said out loud, “I...don't....wanna'...know.”

I think I found the cat and just went back in and to bed. The next day I remembered the event and laughed to myself. Later in the day I related the sighting to my sister who laughed out loud and wanted to know the exact location. While showing her the spot I noticed that there was a yellow cat litter bucket on the patio table and a yellow coiled air hose hanging along the fence. I realized that these two items contributed to the scene as the reflective yellow on the firemen coats.

So that was just a hysterical minor occurrence. The next event, however, was not funny. I was sound asleep when it seemed someone was using a defibrillator on me. A massive shock struck my chest and everything went bright white.

I woke up with perfectly normal heart rate and breathing. It was, quite literally and pardon the pun, shocking.
The next event was again, while sound asleep when I visualized a face plant on asphalt. I was wearing a full face motorcycle helmet and the impact was frightening. I saw the grain of the asphalt come into contact with the chin guard of my helmet. Again I woke up physically normal but frightened.

To be honest, I believe both of those events were flashbacks. Twenty-two years ago I had a motorcycle accident in which I suffered massive trauma. My helmet bore the marks of several impacts on asphalt. I was also defibbed 3 times. Due to a head injury I couldn't recall the last minute or so before the accident. Probably a blessing, the doctors once told me. One doctor seemed to shiver at the thought.

I decided to research the side effects of my newest medication, tizanidine and found, no surprise, that hallucinations were one possibility. After hearing the fireman story people have asked if they could try some tizanidine. I declined their requests.
The final incident again happened during a sound sleep. I saw a ghost like woman's head emerge from the wall. What made me look up was that I felt something warm touch my hand. She was pretty, young and blond. As she emerged she put her fingers to lips as if to say, “Shhhh. Not to worry,” and then receded back into the wall.
While all of this may sound harmless I was frightened more than I can ever remember. I jumped out of bed, paced back and forth in the living room, hoping that Lianne was awake. I called to her upstairs and got no response. She was sound asleep. I was shaking. I couldn't go back into my bedroom for over an hour. I stopped the tizanadine the next day.
After a few days I realized my headaches and stomach aches stopped. So did the hallucinations. Success.

January 2nd of '09 I fell in my shed, also known as the Man Cave. I landed on my shoulder and it was excruciatingly painful. I immediately went to lie down and stayed there for 2 hours. When I tried to get out of bed my shoulder popped and felt much better. It may have been dislocated. Later tests revealed three tears in and around the rotator cuff. Xrays and MRI's also revealed arthritis and a previously broken neck that I wasn't aware of and advanced arthritis in my shoulder.

Around March a bad cold developed into pneumonia. Throughout all this time I went out to my shed and worked a little out there, made a fire in the wood burner (the smoke a probable contribution to the pneumonia), worked on the Jeep and other chores.

May and it's flowers brought me a toe infection, not due to May flowers, I must point out. A very attractive R.N. proclaimed the infection brought on gout. I am adamant that is not gout! I defend this diagnosis as strongly as Arnold Schwartzenegger, in 'Twins', proclaimed “It's not a toomuh!” (tumor). I guess because it means no beer, shellfish or red meats. I spent up to 2 days at a time in bed, except to go to the bathroom and to eat an apple or a banana. Over one 3 day period I ate only 3 apples. Crutches were mandatory.
Today, I walked for the first time in over a week without crutches or a cane. Hopefully a sign of recuperation and better days to come. What I have learned is watch out for midget firemen, don't fall in your shed, don't breath smoke and use an anti fungal spray in your sneakers. So, in closing I wish you all happy days and good health!

By the way, yes those are my x-rays and those are 3 inch screws in my femur!

The Quest for Fire

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My name is Kevin. I am an addict. I hoard wood.

It may sound strange but it's true. I think it began last summer. My sister Lianne started having small campfires in our portable backyard fire pit. I began by picking up discarded wood for her fires. After discovering the seasonal outdoor-dockside bar at Earl's Marina on the Causeway she gave up the fire pit.

Since there was quite a bit of wood left over I started tending the fires myself.
While driving down Sconticut Neck road on Mondays I would see wood scraps piled for the trash men and scoop them up. The occasional pallet was a big score. They burn nicely.
At the end of last summer my friend from Balsam street, Scott Hartman, finished his new house and demolished the small cottage he and his family had lived in before they built the new home. Scott works for Comcast, but I don't hold that against him. The walls of the cottage were strategically sawed through leaving the structure standing and then was knocked down with a Bobcat. A whole house is a lot of wood!

Scott filled a dumpster with whatever would fit in it and posted a "Free wood" sign on the remaining debris.

I made several trips to his house and filled the trunk of my Taurus (Babe,The Blue Ox) with an amazing amount of wood each time. This lumber still had the trim and wiring attached. I burned it all.

It became an obsession. Once all of Scott's house was burned up I began scouting for more wood and I found a steady supply of building scraps from Jaime, who was building a new house on Fir street. Again, I loaded up the trunk of the Blue Ox with wood, using plywood scraps to allow the trunk to be filled as high as possible. It was all brand new pine and of course, it burned nicely. I had so much wood from Jaime's house that I built a wall 8 feet high and 12 feet long out of OSB (oriented strand board) and 2x4's that I used as a wind break during the Fall months. Due to the fickle nature of New England weather I needed to put wheels on the "Wall" so it could be moved easily. When it nearly fell on me one night I dismantled it. It was like a massacre. There was OSB all over the yard.

After the new lumber supply dried up I happened upon a new source. My neighbor, Howe, on Dogwood street had recently remodeled his house and had a stash of wood in the backyard that he wanted to get rid of. It was again demolition scraps. This wood was Fir. I didn't realize it but Fir seems to have a lot of creosote in it. When burned the creosote turns into black soot. That is the exact reason pine and fir should not be burned in a fireplace. The creosote builds up in the chimney and catches fire.

After I dismantled the Wall I moved the fire pit near the doors of my aluminum shed. By leaving the doors open and burning in the fire pit the shed stayed warm, even during one of the coldest winters we have had in years. But an odd thing happened. I noticed the white interior of the shed started turning black. Very black. It seems that I was also breathing the creosote because after a fall in the shed January 2nd what I thought was a common cold developed into pneumonia. The fall had caused a torn rotator cuff and was very painful. I had trouble sleeping and spent much time laying on the couch, probably helping my lungs fill with fluid.

Word soon spread of my need for firewood and I would get tips about a good supply here and there. Stacy and Sid were always on the lookout for me and would let me in on a new source of wood. After one of her tips I actually showed up before the homeowner had his scrap fence poles on the curb. He even cut it to manageable lengths for me. I learned the guy's name was John and we talked about his beautiful baby blue 1958 Kaiser sitting in the driveway.

Even during the pneumonia I managed to get out to the shed and found a new source of green oak from my neighbor Robbie. The severe winter had also felled trees and branches along the Island roads and I wrangled them with a rope then dragged them home with the trusty 'Babe'. Some of the trees and limbs were 20 to 30 feet long. As you can imagine I got some funny looks from people who saw me 'logging' with the Taurus.

While driving over the Causeway I noticed some large logs that had washed up on the beach. Further inspection of them revealed they were beautiful pieces of driftwood. Each was nearly 4 feet long and were once one piece of wood. The trunk of a tree had split in half, down the center and had managed to wash up on the same shore, just feet apart. The two pieces fit together perfectly. They now stand, much like bookends on the sides of our front stairs.
Somewhere between the time I found the driftwoods and finding some deck planks washed up on the opposite side of the causeway (the planks and a pallet from the local Snap On Tool guy were used to make a garbage can corral to keep out raccoons) I realized that I had an obsession with gathering wood.

I wonder if it's something primal in me or just some kind of Yankee thrift. I have been able to line the walls of my shed with OSB and replaced the aging aluminum doors with some very nice vintage doors so not all the wood has been used for fire. I saw oil filled electric radiator heaters for $19 at Walmart. An electric heater would be more convenient. But will the electric heat be as good as a crackling fire? Probably not but I wouldn't be breathing creosote any more either. It just might be too hard for me to pass by a good pile of wood without snagging a trunk full.